Monday, March 4, 2013

I wish the truck would just park somewhere else

I feel like I have a truck parked on my chest. This happens to me from time to time. It is sometimes caused by a certain upset or fret. Sometimes it is more free floating. Sometimes it starts out free floating and then I add tonnage to the truck so it sits there good and solid.

I imagined when I retired that I would be able to stop taking the anti-depressant I have been on for the past 15 years. Today the sun is shining, spring looks like it is right around the corner, and I am dealing with an 18 wheeler parked on my chest.

No fair.

I tell myself I am just tired. That it is just because my feet are still sore if I do more that dishes and making the bed. But deep down I sometimes believe I have to resolve myself with the fact that this is it. This is who I am and what I have to live with and it is not about working, or not, fretting, or not, politics, or not.

Maybe it is just about me. Maybe despite the coming of spring I need to increase my dosage. Maybe after all these years I just have to accept that this is who I am and this is the medication I need to take to live a full life. Maybe.

I have been here before in March. Perhaps it has just been a long wet winter and I need summer to get here. Perhaps.

I just wish this truck would move on. I am sure it has places to go and things to do.

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