I can 't find my darning needle

 I haven't posted for almost six weeks.  Where, indeed, does the time go? 

Well, for the past month I have been looking for my favourite darning needle.  I have had that needle for grafting toes on socks and weaving in the ends after finishing a knitting project FOREVER. 

And suddenly, between one sock and the next it was gone.  

Oh, I have looked for it:

Between the couch cushions

Under the couch

Beside the couch

On the rug in front of my couch 

Under the rug in front of my couch 

In my knitting basket

On the tea table

On the coffee table 

Under the coffee table

In my craft room

In my bedroom

EVERYWHERE

And it is gone. 

And it makes me very, very sad.  

Oh, and I have gone through that list multiple times, even as recently as yesterday. 

I have lost it.  This is my fault. 

I can't let it go. 

Of course I have found two other darning needles in my sewing cabinet, but....one is too fat and the other is too thin.  Mine was perfect. 

I do this. 

I dwell on inconsequential things I have lost.

I have some inherent belief that if I find the lost things then all will be right with my world. 

This is magical thinking. 

I dwell on the little things I have lost so I don't have to dwell on the big things I have lost that will never be found like ..... Trust......Love.....my Father....my big sister....my health....my youth.

So ya, I haven't been posting. 

I have been knitting endless test knits for a competition coming up next year. 

I have been editing my novel(s) and will have two for sale at a craft fair this coming Thursday as well as one going into the library system this Friday. (including an evening soiree for the launch).

I have been applying for (and getting) work at HOpe Centre as a peer support worker. 

I have been singing in the church choir.

I have been learning the art of Chi-walking. 

and there has been shopping and cooking, laundry and dusting. (okay, okay, not dusting, not really)

So life moves along and there are some good things happening. 

But still

I have lost my darning needle, and my diamond stud earring (that was a year ago, but I keep looking).

Saturday I tore my house apart looking for my wedding album.  After searching four rooms I finally found it.  I wept because I also found some things that just made me sad. 

And to be honest - unappreciated. 

But that is another post, for another day. 

Today?

Today I will go for a swim, tidy the kitchen, sweep the floors and probably do another search for the darning needle. 

Because if I can find it that I will know that all will be made right in my world. 

Or at least I will have my trusted needles to graft the toe of the socks I am about to finish. 

Update #13 - Today is one of those days

 

Yes I know today is Tuesday.  Yes I know I should have posted on Sunday.  Yes I know I didn't post at all last week. 

Here is the thing.  Well actually a couple of things. 

First - I have a finished project, a pair of socks, but I can't post pictures because they are a test knit for next years' SuperSock World Championship.  Because of working on said socks I have not made anymore progress on my 54 pickup blanket. 

Second - I have cast on a toque to match my Heather Gansey that I knit last spring, but it is not really picture worthy as it is just two inches of ribbing at this point. 

Third - Some days go like this for me:

I become aware that I am awake and still trying to figure out the peculiarities of a dream I was having. The second I acknowledge I am awake I am aware of the anxiety that lives in my gut.  It feels like the butterflies you get before you have to give a speech, or present a project, only these butterflies have no reason to be there - there is no 'event' on the horizon, except the main event called 'life'. 

I reach for my robe, noticing that my husband is still sound asleep.  This means that there will be no coffee made.  This means I have to make it.  I don't want to.

I stand in the middle of kitchen looking at the espresso machine (it is quite noisy), and the kettle. I contemplate for a brief moment not having any coffee and just going to the couch to turn on the heating pad for my very sore back.  I am aware that everything is sore at this moment. 

I opt for the kettle.  How hard can it be? I ask myself.  

The answer?

Hard. 

I fill the kettle and put it on the burner.  As the burner turns to bright red I see smoke rising from the element - vestiges of last nights' dinner either on the burner, or on the bottom of the kettle.  I don't want to set the smoke alarm off so I remove the kettle and turn off the element. 

A deep breath.  I wipe the burner.  I wipe the bottom of the kettle.  I put the kettle back on the burner and start again.  I watch for a couple of minutes to make sure the smoke will not continue. 

I spoon five tablespoons of coffee into the bodium. I put the thermos in the sink.  I get my mug down from the shelf. The kettle starts to boil.  I pick it up before the whistle sounds.  

I pour the boiling water into the bodium and a little into the thermos to warm it up. 

I set the timer for four minutes. 

This is exhausting. 

I open the fridge to get out the two litre jug of milk and pour some into my mug.  I am astonished at how heavy two litres of milk can be. 

I put the mug into the microwave.  The timer beeps.  Four minutes is up.  I push the plunger of the bodium down very carefully and then set the microwave for thirty seconds to heat up the milk. 

I empty the hot water out of the thermos and pour the extra coffee into it for my husband to have when he wakes up. 

The microwave beeps.  I take out my mug and fill it the rest of the way with coffee. 

I walk to the couch.  I sit.  I put the heating pad on my lower back. I shake out the first half of the pills and vitamins I take before breakfast.  I wash them all down with the first hot sip of my coffee.  

I am exhausted.  

Making that pot of coffee felt like climbing fricking Mount Everest.  

It shouldn't be this hard. 

But it is. 

Somedays are like that.

Today was like that.

After lunch I went bird watching with my son.  It was lovely but the two kilometers was far too much.  I had to trick myself to keep going when all I wanted to do was sit down on the middle of the path and wail. 

It is too hard.  

I know why today is a hard day.  Today is a hard day for lots of people.  Maybe today was a hard day for you. 

But you know what? 

I can do hard things.  I can do hard things that someone else wouldn't think were hard at all. 

My point? 

Today is just one of those days.  Today is just a day.  

Tomorrow will be better.

Update #11 - I did cast on something else!

 

Oh my, here it is Tuesday and I have yet to post.  I'll get right on that. 

First - last week I visited my sister on her little island.  It was heavenly.  Four ocean swims, a poetry reading, good conversations, good food, one craft market and one Fall Fair.  What more could anyone ask for?  And then when I arrived home yesterday my dear son was there - visiting from one province over.  

I did finally cast on the test knit.  Well actually I cast it on FOUR times as I just couldn't get the toe-up cast-on to look right.  Fourth time was the charm and I am now on row 12 of the pattern.  Of course I can't show you until next summer when the pattern will be released but suffice to say I am very pleased with the progress despite the difficult beginning. 

I finished one sock that is part of a knit a long. 

I will post the pattern name once the mystery knit is published. 

My 54 Card pick-up is in progress but I only managed another five rows so a picture won't show much progress. 

I did receive some gifts of yarn from my sister - and I am sure these will turn into socks one day. 

So all in all a very good week.  And what is not to love about a place where you can have views like these ones. 

I will try to post on time next week, but no promises.  As I said my son is here and he is turning 40 on Friday so there will be cake!  And a few games of Wingspan (I will beat him one of these days. )

Year of Projects #9 - I can see progress

 

As I continue with my monogamous knitting I have been working steadily on my 54 pickup blanket. 

It is very rewarding to see the second row of cards.  There have been a few 'oopsies' when I see an error and have to ladder down a few rows to correct a colour, or an errand thread that has landed on the outside of the work rather than being hidden on the inside.  It is slow knitting because with double-knitting every other stitch is a purl and I have to make sure that the two colours I am not knitting with stay hidden inside the work.  I have finally perfected a way to knit without the colours getting all tangled.  I have the white yarn always on my left and I pick it European style, and the red and blank I hold in my right hand with my index finger always in between them so they don't have a chance to tangle.  This makes each row much faster and I don't have to untangle the three colours at the end of each row like I had to when I first started the blanket. 

I have been thinking that it would have been better to have made the blanket 9 x 6, rather than 6 x 9, but I am definitely not going to go back and change that now!

I did start on Jemima Puddleduck (she is a commission) but I have been enjoying the blanket knitting so much that poor Jemima is only a 'twinkle in my eye' as my mother would say. 

I did four ocean swims this past week, and plan another for today.  The water temperature is heading down, but I still managed thirty minute swims.  

I got the galley copy of my novel 'White Rabbit' and I am heading towards being able to have it published in paperback very soon. 

I start back to work tomorrow.  I volunteer at a mental health centre every Tuesday.  I lead a mindful journaling hour.  I have been also hired to work with peers in mental health recovery for ten hours a month.  I haven't been assigned anyone yet, but I expect to now that September is here. 

And speaking of September, today, September 1st, is the day my father died - fifty-two years ago.  I miss him terribly.  Yesterday I was remembering dancing with him at my sister's rehearsal dinner.  He is never far from my mind, and I know he is watching over me from that great beyond.  

I always think of September as my 'new year'.  Time to turn the page.  Start anew.  Make a plan.

Or?

Or maybe just keep going.  Swim.  Write.  Study.  Be. 

Just Be. 

Hmm. Now there is an idea. 

Blessings to all who look upon this time of year as a new beginning.  

And Blessing to all you are just going forward one day at a time. 

Oh, and one more thing.  My sock design, Me Too! Me Too! that was used in Supersock World Championship is now for sale on Ravelry.

Year of Projects Update #5 - Overflowing Sock Drawer

 

SuperSock World Championship is in the Finale Lap, and will be wrapping up later this month.  I looked at all the socks I knit since it started May 1st.  

That is fifteen socks total.  Don't worry the lonely pink sock at the bottom has a mate, but I knit it before SWC started.  And yes, my sock drawer is stuffed to the gills, and I really have to do something about that....not. 

In other news I finished the second repeat on my Wildernesse shawl.  I decided to have purple trees against a snowy sky as the first repeat was snowy trees against a purple sky....not sure what the third repeat will be....stay tuned. 

I added a few more rows to my 54 pickup.  Slow going what with six charts, three colours and doubleknitting which means k1, p1 all the way across.  Then I double check the pattern and go back to fix any errors as they arise....and they do arise.

It was our anniversary last Wednesday, and we both were able to stop coughing long enough to enjoy a movie - Formula 1.  Loved it.  Surprising to both of us how much we enjoy following the Formula 1 races ever since we watched the Netflix series: Drive to Survive.  In fact this morning while having our coffee we watched the highlights of the Hungarian race.  

So there is my week.  Knitting, Coughing, Knitting, Reading, Knitting, Studying, Knitting, Binge watching two seasons of Nurses, and, of course Knitting. And more Coughing. 

Oh, and here is a picture of my sock drawer:

And here is the just married, and then forty eight years later photos:

Until next week dear readers.  I think I might cast on a sock for my hubby.  He is so appreciative, and knitting socks for his large hobbit feet is easy TV knitting, and I still have four episodes to go on season 5 - 24.  How will Jack Bauer save the day this time? 

Year of Projects Update #4 -A wee bit late to the party

 

Oh my, not sure how it got to be Thursday already, but calendars don't lie.  In my defense I have been down with a nasty cough and just about everything seems like too much trouble.  

My progress to date has been working on two of my wips. 

My Contrapunctus are done - and they are wonderful.  I have never made a short row toe before and I really like the look and the fit. 

I started my Wildernesse shawl with a new colour scheme and fingering wool  I am much happier with the look and weight of the knit. 

Yesterday we were well enough (hubby has same cough) to take in a movie, Formula 1, to celebrate our 48th wedding anniversary.  And after we went for a lovely dinner at a local British pub.  

I also found out last week that I did get the Peer Support Worker contract with our local Health Department and I will start working with peers in September.  I am very excited for the opportunity to give back to the Mental Health program that has been so important in my own on-going mental health recovery. I did have an article I wrote about my journey get published as a guest post on the Spotlight on Mental Health blog.  You can read it here. 

Now I will go and check what the rest of you have been doing.  

I must be feeling a little better and hopefully I will be back in the ocean this coming weekend. 

Yopping Update Week 24 - It's finished!

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Well despite having to rip out all of the bird chart the first time round, and then rip out all of the three inches of  two colour ribbing at the bottom and re-knit in a single colour I am happy to report that.....drum roll please.....Birdsong is finished!  

Ta-Da!

It hasn't been washed and blocked but I will do that once I get back home.  I have worn it outside already and I am very happy with the fit and with the warmth.  A perfect autumn sweater.

I then got down to business and finished my December Gnome.  The pattern is called Oh Gnome you Didn't, and I named her Oh yes I Did! (She is a Gnome without a beard - very rare indeed!)

she is mine - a keeper for sure

I wasn't going to join in on Imagined Landscapes December Gnome KAL, but seeing the posts I definitely was suffering from FOMO and then my dear friend sent me the pattern as an early Christmas present.  I am going to start knitting today now I have chosen the yarn from the stash I have with me.  It is hard to pick colours for a mystery knit a long, and I mostly chose from leftovers that were big enough to manage the project. 

I also have some gold and brown that may find their way into the fray

I have also started a gansey lap blanket.  It too was a KAL earlier in the fall, but Birdsong was taking all my energy so I saved the four motifs, bought some suitable yarn and waited until Birdsong was on my back rather than on my needles.  I have one square done....only fifteen to go!  

Nathaniel Colby Motif

gansey lap blanket colours

After a big project like BirdSong I am happy to have smaller ones.  I bought some yarn on Friday for a number of socks I am test knitting for next summer's Supersock World Championship.

Clearly I was in a neon kind of mood :)

I still have yet to start on my second Wetland Gansey sock.  So many socks in my future.  But today it will be a gnome kind of day.

I went swimming today. The first swim in three days as we have been having fierce rain storms with thunder and lightning.  Definitely not suitable weather for swimming.  The sea has been around 14C which is Ccoolldd, but I managed 15 minutes of breaststroke. Kept my head out of the water as wind on wet head is sure fire way to brain freeze.  Of course getting dressed and warmed up after takes about an hour or more.  And then a hot bath to really seal the deal.  It isn't advisable to have a bath or shower right after coming out of the water as it can fool your body into thinking you are warm when in fact your core is still needing the extra attention.  I am learning so much about my body and how it reacts to the cold water from a few different online forums with other Wild Cold Water swimmers.  

Today my daughter's landlord took us to see his olive grove.  He has 140 trees and it was so peaceful walking in the orchard, plus the view of the sea and the city of Split was amazing. And yes, I was wearing Birdsong

The little advent gnomes are counting down the days until Christmas for us and my granddaughter seems to delight in seeing each new gnome appear every morning.  As of today only fourteen more days until Santa comes!  Cookies were made last night (and almost all eaten) and I bought some decorations for the tree we have yet to get.  We are on the lookout for a live tree, but if not I found a store that sells reasonably priced artificial ones.  I have become a huge fan of the store here called Tedi's.  It has everything, and for very reasonable prices.  I bought a pair of sweatpants last week which are easier to put on after my swim than my leggings, and the week before I bought a long fleece-lined hoodie.  Of course every time I leave Tedi's I seem to have a few balls of yarn with me too.  My grand-daughter's birthday is a few days after Christmas so we also bought some things for her upcoming fourth birthday. I am so glad we will be able to celebrate with her this year!

I hope all my dear readers are finding time during this busy season to enjoy family and friends and perhaps to cuddle up under a warm blanket with an equally warm drink to watch a Christmas movie or two.  That's my plan today for certain.  Well that, and gnome knitting.  And maybe a gansey square or two. And those socks are whispering to me......

Yopping along - Update #19 - All about the stitch markers

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My crafting week has revolved around starting my second testknit sock - so no pictures, and re-knitting the BirdSong Chart - next week I'll post pictures of that. 

I did knit a dress for Fancy  - my own design even.

doesn't she look fetching

We had two stormy days here - lots of wind and rain so swimming was put on hold as there were thunderstorm warnings and I felt it was too risky to be out there bobbing in the sea.

Of course what do we do on rainy stormy days - well Grama buys some dominoes of course. I am impressed with how quickly she learned to match the dots and she has won more times than not against me.  Smart Cookie this one. 

she loves setting them up and knocking them down too

I did finally get into the sea the past two days.  The water temperature is dropping, and even though not as cold as when I left BC, it feels cold and I stay in for about 15-20 minutes.  Very invigorating I must say!

It is hard to believe I have been here over a month now, and likely will be here at least until the new year, and  maybe, if I can get my visa extended. even longer. It is such a gift to spend so much one on one time with  my daughter and granddaughter.  My dh will be joining us soon.  He contracted CoVid as soon as I left and is mostly recovered except for a nagging cough.  He is over the fatigue though and getting things done readying the house and cat before he flies to us. 

Believe it or not, I didn't bring enough stitch markers with me for my knitting projects, and so I simply HAD to go buy some more.  I found a package for the equivalent of three canadian dollars.  Guess how many?  

ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY! Not only are they useful for my knitting and crochetting but my gd finds lots of ways to play with them, not the least of which is making bracelets and necklaces.  I have always believed one can NEVER have enough stitch markers, and proof they also make great entertainment for almost four year olds is reason enough to keep buying them. I wrote about my addiction to stitch markers a number of years ago.   Houston we do, in fact, have a problem.  It has only gotten worse. 

My granddaughter turned a blanket I had knit for her Peppa Pig stuffie into another dress for Fancy.  And yes, it is held together with three stitch markers.  You see, they have a multitude of uses!

We watched the sunset last night as we did some chalk drawings on the seawalk.  And then we had a lovely dinner on the patio watching the sky in all its glory.  

My swimming place

The hills behind us remind me of the interior of BC.   

Nestled between the mountains and the sea I feel very safe. 

So that has been my week. Halloween seems so far away I almost forgot to post our pumpkin.  Designed by my gd and carved by my daughter.  Very s p o o k y!

Now I am being asked to play dollies. 

Have a good week all.  The sun is glorious today and I am sure we will be heading out to the playground soon as well.  

Year of Projects Update - #18 - Dressing Peppa Pig's family

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Okay I think I am back on track now - and with the ten hour time difference from home I might even get this posted while it is still Sunday.  Let's go:

I did frog the Birdsong back to Row 3  It took a while, but I am happy I did it  I have knit two rows since then and I am working hard to make sure my fairisle is not too tight and lumpy. I am using my long dpns, instead of a circular needle now, but I forgot to pack my knitting belt - so necessity being the mother of invention I crocheted one out of some handspun I had and stuffed the little egg with some polyfiber I had on hand. 

It works quite well!

I have almost finished the first sock on the testknit.  I have to say I love the way the sock looks, but it is not an enjoyable knit.  It is a 10 stitch repeat, but the stitch marker has to be moved every eight rows - but I am almost at the toe decreases so I will keep going. I should have it off the needles by bedtime tonight. 

This week I have three finishes  and here they are modelled by their receipients!

Wendy Wolf's Cloak for riding her broom 

Momma Pig's Shawl

Poppa Pig's Cabled Scarf

I was excited to win a prize in the Imagined Landscape group for my Gnomes.  I have ordered two mini skeins (for future gnomes) and a wooden tool for measuring the weight of the yarn I have spun.  When I get back from overseas they should be waiting for me.  I do love winning things!

It is almost Halloween and today my gd and I will be carving a pumpkin and roasting the seeds.  We got her costume yesterday which she hasn't taken off since (except for reluctantly wearing pjs to bed).

My daughter aned I found the wings, crown, jewelery and wand in one store, and while shopping for some socks and pants in another store, my gd walked up to be holding the dress.  It was perfect!!  A wee fairy princess will be trick n treating tomorrow evening for certain! 

Happy Halloween to all tomorrow, and in a week North America will catch up to the time change that Europe started this morning.  Not sure why we don't all do it at the same time, but for a week we will be out of sync, and then all we be back to normal.  Funny world.

I wanna see you be brave

 Sara Bareilles song Brave took me by surprise a few weeks ago.  It has now become my anthem of sorts. 

I was sitting at my pharmacy waiting for some stupid mix-up to get sorted and I was crying.  

I should back up to four days before this.  My daughter had called and asked me to go with her back to the country where she had lived for five and a half years.  That was a Thursday morning. By Friday morning I had booked a ticket for the following Monday. I had called my doctor to okay getting two months of my prescriptions filled for a trip that would be anywhere from two to three months.  Alas Friday was a holiday, and the next day, Saturday, was well Saturday.  I knew I wouldn't hear from my doctor until Monday but I alerted the pharmacy that the approval would be coming and to have the prescription ready.  They said they would.  

They didn't. 

My flight was leaving at 6:30pm.  I called the doctor office again at 8:30 Monday morning.  Then again at 11am.  

Nothing. 

I went to the pharmacy.  They, at first, refused to fill the prescription without the doctor's okay. 

It was 1pm.  He still hadn't called.  I was scared and alone and in tears sitting in the stupid chair beside the blood pressure machine.  I was making a scene.  I couldn't help it.  I was texting with my husband, my son, my daughter and they were all telling me it was gonna be okay. 

It didn't feel okay. 

And then?  

Then Sara Bareilles song came on over the store's music station. 

"I wanna see you be brave". 

It made me take a deep breath. I texted my daughter of the syncronicity.  I stopped crying.  The pharmacist decided to fill the prescription without the doctor's okay.  By 2pm I was on my way. 

By 3:00 I was leaving the house for the airport.  

Guess who called?

Yup.  My doctor.  He was just picking up his messages.  He said it was fine that they had filled it.

So I got on the plane (despite my worries about CoVid).  Made the connection (despite an hour delay leaving) and met my daughter at the gate of our connecting flights. 

Here I am with her and my granddaughter for the past three weeks.  Sitting in the sun, swimming in the sea, talking with my daughter, and playing Peppa Pig with my granddaughter. 

Sara, you wanted to see me be brave. 

I am.

Every single day.

Brave

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody's been there
Everybody's been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don't run, stop holding your tongue

Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won't do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don't you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you (yeah)
I just wanna see you (oh o)
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

Yopping Update #45 - Oh my - I am in WIP Heaven (Or is it WIP Hell?)

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This will be short and sweet and mostly pictures because I am in also in migraine hell this weekend. 

I finished another 3D Crochet square:

I have made a wee bit of progress on my son's Gansey:

I have done the first clue of the Mystery Sock - but no pictures because,well,  it's a mystery and no spoilers allowed. 

I am almost done another double knit potholder:

and I am progressing along on the next piece of my Christmas Tree Skirt (hey I have until December 25th right?)

this is number 3/8

I still have to cast on the 2nd test knit sock, and I will get to it....soon. 

I also want to start one of the sea creature 3D crochet squares. (I have nine I want to make).

So I organized all my wips into project bags and so, unusual for me (the monogamous knitter) I have six projects on the go! (not pictured here are the 2 advent gnomes and gnome KAL I have planned for May as well so I think that makes nine wips - ala Dante's Nine Circles of Hell. )

I blame the Harry Potter Knitting/Crochet House Cup group.  I want all the points! (To date I have already got 35 points.)

It is Mother's Day here in North America.  So here is to all the Mums, Moms, Mamas, Mothers near and far.