I think I have lost my voice. No, not in the physical sense. But metaphorically.
Perhaps it is the transition into retirement. I think for the past 13 years I have had a teacher voice. For the past 27 a mother's voice. For the past 35 a wife's voice. For the past 56 a sister's voice. Through it all, at times, a friend's voice.
But lately, I feel, well, silent.
It's not that I don't like to converse, or want to converse, but it is more like I have lost the desire to converse. I am quite cotent to listen, and respond, but I find myself not initiating conversation.
I realize I have been in social situations lately where this could be construed as rudeness, or indifference, or even snobbery. It isn't. I just don't want to talk. Especially not small talk.
I know, I know, small talk is kind of like dogs sniffing at each other when they meet. It is a way to sense friend or foe and to find common ground. I just find it difficult and wish we could just leap into the real stuff.
Except I don't know what the 'real' stuff is for me anymore.
And when I do start to have 'real' conversations I find myself tearing up.
Maybe that is why I don't have a voice right now. Because if I did it would be a sad one, and that isn't very social, is it?
I am not political. I am not an academic. I no longer seem to be an activist. I am a simple woman, trying to make her way and trying to do her best. But, I don't want to do it making small talk, and I don't seem to have the energy for the 'big' talks.
So until I can find my voice I think I just have to listen. Or be quiet.
Now, there's a thought.
Showing posts with label silence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silence. Show all posts
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Friday, December 2, 2011
Silence
Silence is Golden, so they say. But for the children that have no voice I imagine silence is anything but golden. On Wednesday my Grade Eight class and I vowed to be silent. To give our voice to the children who have no voice. For the children that are kidnapped and trained to be soldiers. For the children who live in war ravaged countries and have no say in the political regimes that keep them there in the absence of peace.
So, we were silent. At 8am students started to filter into the classroom. Into my candle lit, advent classroom. We shook hands in greeting as we always do in the morning, but no words were exchanged. It was peaceful. Our eyes truly meeting each other. No words were needed. We were here. Together. And we were safe in each other's company.
We started the morning by playing four Christmas songs in four part harmony on our recorders. It was stunningly simple and stunningly beautiful.
Then the class settled into their main lesson work, their geography work. This project entailed bringing with them a list of 10 or 15 items they use, eat, or wear daily and where they were from. They were assigned to make a world map, and to place little flags on the map where their objects came from. As the silence grew, the map filled. We are in economic brotherhood with Cambodia, Bangladesh, Africa, Australia, Europe, Mexico, China, Japan, Montreal....well, you get the idea. All these people in the world that grow, cultivate, sew, manufacture things for us to use. It is mind boggling. And we never get to say thank you. Our appreciation is silent.
This class of 12 students worked silently until 10am, when we had to get into the school bus, or cars to head to a rehearsal. This too, was all done in silence. We were rehearsing Snow White and the Seven Dwarves which will be performed at the Kay Meek Performance Hall on December 13. We are performing this with the Cascadia residents who are handicapped adults. We rehearsed in silence. They were so patient and gracious with these adults who have such struggles and yet are so profoundly happy and peaceful, and, for the most part, silent.
Then back to school for lunch. Silence. Then they went off to their afternoon classes. Silence. It was powerful. And it was hard. There were a few times I started to speak - to greet someone, to make a suggestion, to answer a question. But I persisted - right up to bedtime. I got alot done on the silent day. Talking takes up alot of time. Without talking I had time to get to a myriad of 'things' on my to-do list.
We raised 150.00 for Free the Children. I donated 10 dollars for every student in my class, and a parent matched her child's donation - and, of course 10.00 for me. So, that was good. It felt good to be less selfish, less "me", more reflective, quieter. We all commented the next day on how much we got done! How comforting the silence was.
Silence is Golden. My class is Golden. It was a Golden memory of this, my last year, of teaching this grade eight class.
So, we were silent. At 8am students started to filter into the classroom. Into my candle lit, advent classroom. We shook hands in greeting as we always do in the morning, but no words were exchanged. It was peaceful. Our eyes truly meeting each other. No words were needed. We were here. Together. And we were safe in each other's company.
We started the morning by playing four Christmas songs in four part harmony on our recorders. It was stunningly simple and stunningly beautiful.
Then the class settled into their main lesson work, their geography work. This project entailed bringing with them a list of 10 or 15 items they use, eat, or wear daily and where they were from. They were assigned to make a world map, and to place little flags on the map where their objects came from. As the silence grew, the map filled. We are in economic brotherhood with Cambodia, Bangladesh, Africa, Australia, Europe, Mexico, China, Japan, Montreal....well, you get the idea. All these people in the world that grow, cultivate, sew, manufacture things for us to use. It is mind boggling. And we never get to say thank you. Our appreciation is silent.
This class of 12 students worked silently until 10am, when we had to get into the school bus, or cars to head to a rehearsal. This too, was all done in silence. We were rehearsing Snow White and the Seven Dwarves which will be performed at the Kay Meek Performance Hall on December 13. We are performing this with the Cascadia residents who are handicapped adults. We rehearsed in silence. They were so patient and gracious with these adults who have such struggles and yet are so profoundly happy and peaceful, and, for the most part, silent.
Then back to school for lunch. Silence. Then they went off to their afternoon classes. Silence. It was powerful. And it was hard. There were a few times I started to speak - to greet someone, to make a suggestion, to answer a question. But I persisted - right up to bedtime. I got alot done on the silent day. Talking takes up alot of time. Without talking I had time to get to a myriad of 'things' on my to-do list.
We raised 150.00 for Free the Children. I donated 10 dollars for every student in my class, and a parent matched her child's donation - and, of course 10.00 for me. So, that was good. It felt good to be less selfish, less "me", more reflective, quieter. We all commented the next day on how much we got done! How comforting the silence was.
Silence is Golden. My class is Golden. It was a Golden memory of this, my last year, of teaching this grade eight class.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Remembrance Day
I have been thinking about this all day. I have to tell a story for our 'Peace' Assembly tomorrow. We don't call it a Remembrance Day Assembly for all sorts of political, inclusive reasons - and besides we weren't at school on the 11th, so....
Anyways, we ask the students in Grades 5 - 8 to bring donations of warm articles of clothing - mitts, toques, gloves, blankets, scarves to donate to the Downtown Eastside via the Union Gospel Mission. Then each class shares an appropriate poem or song.
My class is reciting "They are all children when they sleep, There is no war in them...." but that is besides the point.
The point is that my grandfather, my father, my uncle, my aunt, and my mother all served in the 2nd world war. My Grandfather also served in the First World War, my uncle did a variety of peace keeping missions after WWII. He was a career soldier. My father was buried alive during the war. I believe his wounds were deep for the short life he lived after the war. But, that too is beside the point.
And, although we use November 11 to remember those who died in the war, it seems to me that November 11 is the moment of peace. It is a remembrance of a truce, an agreement not to fight anymore.
Where I work we could use an armistice of sorts. We could agree to not fight anymore. We could agree to a peace.
On November 30, and this is what I will bring to the students tomorrow, November 30 is a day for the Vow of Silence. To be silient not for 2 minutes at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, but to be silent for 24 hours. And by being silent, no texting, tweeting, emailing, facebook....well you get it. To really be silent. To be silent to remember the children that are exposed to, or involved with war without their consent. For the kidnapped child soldiers, for the children for whom peace means nothing to them.
What would that be like - a school taking a vow of silence? I don't know. But I would like to find out. I am trying to get my grade 8s to buy in. And tomorrow I will try to get grade 5 - 7 to buy in as well.
Maybe if we didn't talk all the time, or tweet, or text, or facebook, we would realize that the world could be a peaceful place. It has to start somewhere. Let it begin with me.
Anyways, we ask the students in Grades 5 - 8 to bring donations of warm articles of clothing - mitts, toques, gloves, blankets, scarves to donate to the Downtown Eastside via the Union Gospel Mission. Then each class shares an appropriate poem or song.
My class is reciting "They are all children when they sleep, There is no war in them...." but that is besides the point.
The point is that my grandfather, my father, my uncle, my aunt, and my mother all served in the 2nd world war. My Grandfather also served in the First World War, my uncle did a variety of peace keeping missions after WWII. He was a career soldier. My father was buried alive during the war. I believe his wounds were deep for the short life he lived after the war. But, that too is beside the point.
And, although we use November 11 to remember those who died in the war, it seems to me that November 11 is the moment of peace. It is a remembrance of a truce, an agreement not to fight anymore.
Where I work we could use an armistice of sorts. We could agree to not fight anymore. We could agree to a peace.
On November 30, and this is what I will bring to the students tomorrow, November 30 is a day for the Vow of Silence. To be silient not for 2 minutes at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, but to be silent for 24 hours. And by being silent, no texting, tweeting, emailing, facebook....well you get it. To really be silent. To be silent to remember the children that are exposed to, or involved with war without their consent. For the kidnapped child soldiers, for the children for whom peace means nothing to them.
What would that be like - a school taking a vow of silence? I don't know. But I would like to find out. I am trying to get my grade 8s to buy in. And tomorrow I will try to get grade 5 - 7 to buy in as well.
Maybe if we didn't talk all the time, or tweet, or text, or facebook, we would realize that the world could be a peaceful place. It has to start somewhere. Let it begin with me.
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