Is this what Manic feels like?

As a person who suffers from depression I have often thought about people who are manic-depressives and wondered what that would be like. Lately I think I have been experiencing small hints of mania, and I don't like it. Oh yes, I am getting things done, making lists, throwing stuff out, talking too much and too loudly (I think), and I feel like I am teetering on the edge of a very high, very narrow, fence.

So here is my list.
Maybe if I write it down I can let it go and calm down.

Buy new mattress and get rid of old one
Get piano tuned
Get rid of old piano
Get rid of dish set
Find missing piece of wood so I can get piano stool repaired (I have been looking for this piece for a year)
Repair or throw out old chair from my mother's house
Get rid of old rattan chair on back porch
Sort out son's clothes in basement room
Finish my brother's sweater
Finish my sweater
Finish that stupid sock I started last spring (I might just frog this and let it go)
Find turkey platter to match dish set I just bought
Recover kitchen chairs
Get rid of my aunt's, grandmother's and mother-in-law's furs

That is just the list I made yesterday.

I feel like I am running out of time. That I have to do these things right now, like there is no tomorrow. It is weird because usually I can procrastinate like there is always tomorrow.

But not lately.

So.
If this is what people feel like when they are manic I can empathize.
But, I am looking for balance.

So.
I am going for a walk.

I am going for a walk.
Because I need to be among the trees that have stood for hundreds of years living one day at a time.

doing what I should

A young man told me something on Christmas Day that has stuck with me. "If you think you should do something, then do it. Don't procrastinate, or ignore it, it is your spirit telling you what to do." I take it to mean if I think, "I should go for a swim", or "I should wash the bedding", or "I should clean out the fridge", then I should go do it. At the end of the day I will have done something that will ultimately make me happier with myself, and my surroundings.

So, I have been listening to that still small voice. Worrying about doing something, or putting off doing something takes alot of mental energy. Just doing alot of these kinds of things doesn't take as much energy as putting it off does.

So since Christmas day I have done dishes, laundry, washed bedding, blocked a shawl, gone to church, made a phone call, and made a salad. I did these things as I found myself thinking "I should....". Writing this blog is an answer to an I should. So is defrosting the downstairs fridge. So was turning off the TV last night. So is asking questions. So is answering them.

I don't go in much for new year's resolutions, but I think I will work on this one for awhile.

I have been thinking that I have been stuck for the last six months. Partly because I am laid up with plantar fasciitis, but partly because of fear of the future. I think that maybe what my husband and I are suffering from is "Failure to Launch". Or maybe it is fear of failure. Whatever. I think I have to do something.

Writer's block

I cancelled two acupuncture appointments this week. I felt like I was rushing and stressing about trying to get to appointments, and that didn't make sense to me. I got a migraine on Monday. It seems like they are coming about 2 weeks apart. This is better than 2-3 per week. I had a bad headache yesterday, but no visual migraine, so I don't know if it was a migraine, or just a headache. Anyways, enough about that.

I had a busy, yet relaxing weekend. I went to see the University of the Fraser Valley's version of As You Like It on Friday night and it was wonderful! My class and I are performing this same play at the end of April, so I was mentally taking notes as I watched.

On Saturday I went to a Fibers trade show, and bought a book on knitting knee high fairisle socks. Something else for my list of things to do when I retire. I have lots of knitting to do these days as I have 3 colleagues expecting babies. Knit. Knit. Knit.

On Saturday my man and I went to see our son perform with his band. It was a great two hour show. I sang along with all the songs, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

Today was a lazy day which included two, count em, two naps. I drew a cloud chart on the board for school tomorrow, and had tea with my son. So, I can knit all evening, guilt free, because my prep is all done for the week. And then on Friday at noon my spring break starts.
Whew! Can't wait for two weeks of r e l a x i n g! Of course before the break my grade 4/5 choir, and my grade 8s are performing at Centennial Theatre - so there is a small amount of stress still left to go.

By the way, I don't really have writer's block. What I really want to write about is too hard right now. So this blog should really be called writer's procrastination.

13 colonies

The title of this blog is what I am supposed to be studying/prepping for school tomorrow. What am I really doing?

Playing online Mahjong solitaire.
Deleting non-active friends from facebook.
Writing this blog.

In one word - procrastinating.

I have had a headache all weekend, and tried to sleep all day to no avail. Hmph!
So, I will be heading into school tomorrow without my prep fully done, and with not enough sleep.

On the bright side I have some new things to bring the class based on a Bal-A-Vis-X training I did on Friday and Saturday. So that is good.

And, I did get outside for a few minutes today to admire the fall colours being set off by the sun low in the sky. It was stunning.

And....not so inspired with this blog at the moment, so.....a quick mahjong game, then I am grabbing the crossword and heading to bed.

I know, I know, more procrastinating.....but I won two solitaire hands in a row....so, good for me!

all alone, just me and the bathroom

Another busy, productive and good day at school. Then home to an empty house. The boys have gone camping. I don't have any prep, so the evening looms pretty free.
Of course I have to make dinner (mac and cheese?), and I have to watch Survivor, but other than that I am pretty open. Until the thought hits me. My brother is coming to spend the weekend, arriving tomorrow around noon. Oh my god! I have to clean the bathroom. No, really. I HAVE to clean the bathroom. And probably change the sheets on the guest bed. Oh, and the kitchen floor probably could use a once over.

But, what am I doing. Knitting. Well, technically, I am writing this blog entry, but I was knitting. And, I am thinking about the floor, and the bathroom. Really.

I am so good at procrastinating. Especially the stuff I don't like to do. Prepping, I actually like. And marking, I actually like that too. Even spending three days looking for one song for a colleague. I like doing that, especially when I succeed. (Which I did today.....I found the song I have been looking for for three days. Yea, me).

But bathrooms. No. I hate cleaning them. Although I love having it clean. Hmmmm, pardox, no?

So, now I go into the deal making. Clean the bathroom, then you can enjoy Survivor, or X-Factor. Yea.....

Wash the floor and then you can knit two rows

Throw the sheets in the wash, and then you can curl up in bed with the novel on the bedside table.

See, I can make deals. I understand delayed gratification. I know I will feel better when the chores are done. Really, I will feel better.

Sigh.

Ok, Ok.

I'll get right to it.

As soon as Degrassi is over.