and then there was light.

It has been 10 days since my cataract surgery. My goodness the world is bright. The lights in my classroom and living room feel like 300 watts. So, I would say that is success. Healing is taking time, and I am trying not to fret that it will all be fine. I see the surgeon on Tuesday for a check-in, check-up, and to book the next eye. It is crazy what modern medical science is capable of.

Also this past Friday I received the final documents about my Aunt's estate. She passed away three years ago this June 20th, and it is now done. I plan to visit her grave site soon to thank her for everything. It wasn't easy caring for her over all the years of her struggle with Alzheimer's and the past three years in wrapping up her business, but I don't regret any of it. I don't want to take back a minute of the care and worry, because it was supported with her limitless love for me.

So light is the word. And Spring is desperately trying to stay with us, and the light and warmth is very healing. I am struggling a bit with the medication I am on since the surgery. The eye drops are wreaking havoc with my stomach, and the cortisone drops are causing some serious 'fight or flight' reaction.....which I am trying to deal with by sleeping alot, although sleep is not coming easy.

Just keep breathing. There is always a reason to just keep breathing. Or, as my friend would say, just keep swimming!

I feel like I have a marathon ahead of me: marking, prep, camping trip, hike up the chief, rafting trip, organize a school 'fun' day, and report cards. And yet, I remember every day that I have it easy.

I know where my children are, and that they are safe. I know that I am loved. I know that I am healthy. I know that I am not dealing with any number of natural disasters: no floods, no hurricanes, no earthquakes, no tsunamis. I am lucky. I know that I am lucky.

So, without complaint, I will head off to fold laundry, mark main lesson books, make supper, and enjoy my guilty pleasure of 'celebrity apprentice' tonight.

Because after all, today there is light, in the literal and metaphorical sense. There is light, and it is good!

Thanks to God, in whatever form he/she has taken.

to see, perchance to dream...

Day two after my cataract surgery. The surgery itself was very 2001: A space odyssey. Lots of coloured, swirly lights - kind of like the slide shows behind those bands in the 60s...

For the win, when I woke up on Friday morning I could see the bedside clock without putting on my glasses!

It is disorienting having one eye 'fixed' and the other still needing a very strong perscription, but using a contact in the left eye helps alot....although I haven't worn contacts for a long time so I am having to go slow with that.

I also had to buy some reading glasses, so I have a mixture of optical devices on the go at the moment. My post op check up was very good, and the distance in my new bionic eye is wonderful! My next check up is May 24th, and then I can book the 2nd surgery - can't wait....

I am tired though - really tired, so I think even though the surgery was only 10 minutes it takes alot out of you. And by you, I mean me!

I am supposed to be prepping for my last block of this grade seven year, but all I want to do is sleep.....maybe that is the effect of the Atavan. It didn't seem to do much on the surgery front, although I did see the floor outside of the OR start to move like it was a giant snake....so you decide.

This new eye will take some getting used to. Today I thought Brian was driving up too close to all the cars in traffic. Everything looks so much bigger. My near sightedness correction has been so severe for so many years that everything looked smaller than in real life. So now everything looks bigger. Our tv looks way bigger, and so do images on the tv. And man, have I every developed more wrinkles since the surgery!

Ok, so that's it. I am recovering well, and looking forward to eye two so that I am more balanced. (Like that's gonna help).

My brother says that with only one contact lens in place I might resemble Mrs. Peanut. I like that....I am off to find a glass topped cane!

First day back.....

I think they missed me. I didn't realize until I was there, back in the saddle, but I missed them too. There were only 11 there, due to illness (3) and a soccer tournament (4), but there was a sweet shyness and reconnecting with each other none-the-less.

I spent the day marking and finding things, and re-acquainting myself with all and sundry. It was a good day.

But, I am tired. I think the jet lag has caught up with me because it feels like bedtime at 7pm.

My surgery is Thursday - cataract surgery, new multi-focal lens will be inserted. I am nervous but so looking forward to being able to see! It has been a difficult 6 months sight-wise, and I am optimistic. My brother tells me that optimism is everything (well, that, and vitamin A, vitamin C and chlorophyll). He is taking care of my immune system and my mental state. I love him for that.

I was welcomed very sweetly by all my colleagues. It seems I was missed. That makes me feel good too.

I feel calm today, and will try not to re-enter the craziness of school politics too soon. I really just want to teach, and be with my class. I do love them fiercely. Even the 'imps'. I have no doubt they will grow up to be quite stellar in their lives. I look forward to witnessing that too.

So, you see, not much is happening. I am knitting a new purse, but with different colours that I am creating as I go. I am reading alot of fiction on my new KOBO ereader. I am watching hockey, and I am bragging about my kids. I am sure I am insufferable to be around these days. So proud. So proud.

So, two more days of teaching before my surgery....keep me in your thoughts....I hope to 'see' you all soon!

4, or 5 , or 11 left

Sight. Quite simple, really. One of our 5 senses in the common vernacular, or 6, if you include psychic sense, or 12, if you are an anthroposophist. Don't ask, it's complicated. Anyways, sight. Lately, I have been loosing mine. The tv is blurry, I can't read the words on the screen, I can't drive at night, or on cloudy, rainy days, and, in fact, I can't really see the students in the back row of my classroom. Don't tell them that, because then God knows what they will get up to back there.

Not being able to see makes me cranky and tired. It is so much effort to not be able to see the flipchart in a meeting, or the street sign, or the aisle signs in a grocery or department store. I remember a friend of mine saying that at the end of the day working in English, her second language, she was exhausted. My son, who spent 6 days in Quebec, surrounded by french only speakers, talked about how exhausting it was. Not being able to see is exhausting. It is like listening to a foreign language. All day! By 8 in the morning my eye is twitching with fatigue, and the cranky meter goes directly into the red zone. By 9:30 at night I am exhausted.

So, surgery is in the future. Hopefully, they say, replacing the lens to repair the cataract will improve my sight. Of course there are no guarantees. Well, when someone wants to cut into my eye, I would like guarantees. I know? Silly, right? I can be so unreasonable at times.

And I know there are worse things in people's lives. I know that cataract surgery is common. Lots of people are telling me 'It's no big deal'. But I also know that to me it is a big deal. And it pisses me off.

I hate not being able to drive when I want, and I hate feeling helpless in a grocery store. I am 55 for God's sake, and I don't think it is too much to ask that I can see the person across from me in a meeting, or the street sign the gps is telling me to look for, or the fricking time clock on the football or hockey game.

Just sayin!