Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Drowning

I think I am drowning. This is how it feels. The waters are closing over my head and I don't think I have the energy to kick up and break the surface. Except drowning, they say, is peaceful. This doesn't feel peaceful. It feels dark.

I wrote this at 7:45am this morning. But, then, and still, I had to go to school. So, I did, shedding a few self-pitying tears on the way. Then, into the school, a dose of Pasaflora (a homeopathic dose for emotional upset), and into the classroom to begin the day. We started our day doing some Bal-a-vis-x ball exercises, and after 30 minutes I was feeling better. Not great, but better.

I had a good main lesson, teaching single, parallel, and serial circuits, and then went to Rona with my (long-suffering) husband to purchase the necessary supplies to make electro-magnetic motors with my class tomorrow.

Back to school by 12:30 and then meeting with a colleague at 1:10. I was still drowning, at least in the metaphorical sense. But, she lent me some moral support (water wings?) and swam by my side, stroke for stroke, for 90 minutes. We got alot done, and I felt better after. I felt like I was floating, and the tide was beginning to carry me to shore.

I made the decision, out of self-preservation, to skip the faculty meeting and head straight home after school to build the proto-type of the motor. Dear husband beside me for moral support.

3 hours later, motor complete, and running, and fresh quiche (made by afore-mentioned husband) out of the oven onto my dinner plate. Hmm, maybe I could even begin taking a few tentative strokes to shore.

And then, ironically enough, I spoke to my brother tonight. My brother, the long distance swimmer. He talked about how he needed help to get into his wet-suit. So, even though swimming is a solitary exercise, he still needs help to prepare for the swim. Hmmmm. I think there is a lesson here for me. I have to ask for help. I don't have to 'swim' alone. I don't have to succumb to 'drowning'. There are people to help me put on my wetsuit. There are people who will watch from the shore to make sure I get back. There are people who will row beside me, and sometimes even get in the water and match me stroke for stroke. And, there are people to feed me when I get back to shore.

When I get back to shore, and put my feet once more on dry land.

2 comments:

  1. A beautiful post. I too feel like I'm drowning. Today I felt like I was either going to cry or blow up at someone. I held it together but I'm glad I have someone here who is always on my side.

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  2. What to say when someone shares so deeply except thank you for being brave and beautiful. :)

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