The first step is admitting you need help

It has not been an easy spring and summer. Well, if truth be told the winter was pretty tough as well. But I soldiered on, because, well, that is what one does. And don't talk about it. Don't air your dirty laundry. That is what I was taught growing up.

So I soldiered on. All the way to Alaska, in fact. But the nausea was there. The anxiety was there. It wasn't as much fun as other camping trips and we had looked forward to this, our first long trip, since before my retirement began.

And then the broken arm.

Well that didn't help things, did it? The myriad of medication, pain, discomfort didn't help at all. But the physio was helping, at least the broken arm part. But the broken spirit? The broken resolve? The lack of initiative? The wanting to stay in bed all day? No the physio wasn't helping that.

So I took the step and went to the doctor. I admitted the sadness and dis-ease. We talked. He suggested a psych consult to discuss different medication. He upped the medication I am currently on. He suggested counselling. He told me that taking this step was important to recovery.

So first steps. After a week I called a counsellor (I have an appointment tomorrow). I talked to my brother - and it was very helpful. I am glad I have him in my life.

I am reaching out, and making plans. Not too many plans because that is too hard, too much, but short little plans are good.

I am taking my vitamins, and trying to drink more water (although that means being up all night peeing). I know. Too much information.

I made two batches of home-made soup. Stupidly I did this on the hottest day possible, but I am happy to have healthy soup to eat.

My nausea seems better today. Fingers crossed. It seems that perhaps one of the drugs I am taking is helping that. I seem to be taking a lot of medications these days: for back pain (they are pink), for nausea (they are blue and oddly shaped), for depression (they are pink and grey), for arm pain (plain old white), to sleep (baby blue). I hate it.

So here I am. Face to face with the first step.

One step at a time.