To be a teacher is to never be enough. One successful event, but don't rest on your laurels, don't enjoy the high, move on to the next 'event'.
Finish one block, begin another. Finish one grade, begin another. Finish one concert, start preparing for another.
Sit in meetings where parents get to infer, intrinsically, or extrinsically that you are not enough. Not for their child. You disappoint. You misunderstand. You make mistakes. You, are not enough. You are just never enough.
So, I give up. At least for this one child, for this one family, in this moment in time. I give up. Perhaps they are right. I am clearly not the right teacher for this child, not for this family, not at this time.
I have been the right teacher for dozens upon dozens of children. But, not for this one.
I cannot win. There is nothing to win. I want them to see that I did my best, but I truly believe they did not do their best. So we are even really. Because I am sure they think just the same. They did their best, but I did not do my best.
Sometime in the future they will 'get' that actually I was a good teacher for their child. Someday, or maybe in our next meeting in another lifetime, they will 'get' that for five years I was the right teacher for their child.
But soon it will end. It has to end. I cannot do this anymore. And there are still dozens of students that need me, and dozens of parents that want me to be their child's teacher.
Sometime enough is enough.
I know that you teach the same group for several years. I am sure that must be very satisfying for those relationships that work. I know that there are relationships that just don't work and it's usually the parents who have difficulty. But I keep telling myself in these cases, at least it's just one year.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to be misunderstood.