Thursday, March 3, 2011

whose destiny are we following

Over the years I have taken a number of biography courses. During these courses the lives of well known politicians, authors, or painters are looked at and different milestones are observed that seem to be common one to another.
At 9, that first brush with mortality, at 14 that first hint of vocation, at 18, 37, and 56 a moment of awareness of destiny questions....well, you get the idea.

Whenever I listen to the biography of an individual, I am always struck about their life partner's biography. Whenever a large life event occurs, I always thought - "what about the destiny of their wife, or husband" Whose destiny gets played out? Which one takes precedence? Once you are two is it that your destinies are so inter-twined they become one.

Everything we decide to do, or not do, affects other people. Everything. To be human is to be in relationship with the other. So, is it destiny that my destiny becomes intertwined with another?

When I was 21 I graduated from university. My then boyfriend, (now husband), had chosen to stay in Vancouver while I finished university. Maybe it was his destiny to go outside of Vancouver and teach somewhere, but he stayed and subbed to be close to me.

Once I graduated we applied for teaching jobs together. I was offered three jobs - one in Arrow Lakes school district, one in Qualicum beach school district, and one in MacKenzie with the Prince George School District. My boyfriend was also offered a job in MacKenzie. So, we went to MacKenzie, but sometimes I think how different my life might have been, our life might have been, if we had moved to Qualicum, or Nakusp.

But, them, I met a very dear friend during that year in MacKenzie, a friendship I still value 34 years later. There was clearly destiny in that meeting, in that friendship.

There were decisions I made about working, or not working, when my children were little. There were decisions I made, or didn't make, about moving with my husband to the deep south. Whose destiny was in play?

I watch the politicians negotiate public life and private life. The sacrafices for a politician's family must be huge. Whose destiny?

Maybe, all in all, it doesn't matter. We make choices, and by chosing A, we can't have B. We can't see our life being played out along the alternate track. We can only imagine, and sometimes in the thick of some cruddy experience, or other, we think...if only..., or,....I should have....or, I shouldn't have.

Sometimes we can't second guess anything, because our vision is so limited. We can't imagine looking back at our life at 80, when someone looks at our biography and realizing oh....that is why that happened like that. Of course! It makes perfect sense!

But when the day to day of it all is unfolding in its messy way, when things happen one way no matter how much planning we did for another outcome, when we second guess another's motive, or doubt our own, then it is just hard.

But ultimately, I believe, there is a plan. It may not be the plan I made, or the one I want, but there is a plan, and I have to trust it is all unfolding as it should. As long as I listen to my inner voice, and stay true to the person I want to be, I have faith it will all work out. I have faith that I am following my destiny. That we are following our destiny.

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