Tuesday, January 10, 2012

mirror mirror on the wall

I have been taking the challenge today to not look in the mirror. That is hard. The whole wall in my bathroom is a mirror, and it is right across from the shower. There is a mirror on the floor bside my dresser, and another across from my bed.

Wneh I am not around mirrors I feel good about myself, my body. I feel strong. I feel healthy. Then, a quick glimpse in a mirror and I see the scar on my stomach from a 30 year old surgery, the dimples in my thighs. Of course as I write this I resolve to do one thing. Lose the mirror on the floor beside my dresser. There. Done.

Really tonight though, I don't want to write about me. I want to write about a 14 year old girl I know. She is getting thinner and thinner. She is disappearing. She, who is so smart, so beautiful, so talented, so loved is losing weight. More than that she is losing herself. Her parents are heart-broken, her teachers are afraid for her, her girl-friends are silent in their shock about her appearance. It was so much more obvious since the Christmas break.

This beautiful young woman is in control. I am not a psychologist, but I can imagine some of the things that have led to her desperate efforts to be thin. To be in control.

I have been that girl. My mother was that girl. That girl is standing before me, with her beautiful eyes, and her sad smile. She is asking something of me. How can I help her without her feeling judged? How can I make her see she is perfect? She was perfect. She will be perfect. There is judgement in my words as I write this.

So, I can put away a mirror. I can put away a scale. I can stop commenting when people have lost weight. But, how can I stay silent when I am witnessing someone, who should be shouting to the world "Look at me", disappearing.

No one should feel that to be seen they have to be smaller. No one.

1 comment:

  1. Mary-Anne, so sad to see. So hard to not want to fix the problem. I feel for you both.


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