Monday, January 30, 2012

what would you trade for better health?

Would I trade gaining ten pounds to be rid of these awful migraines? Would I trade fifteen to get rid of these restless legs? Would I put up with them indefinitely if it meant I was 25 pounds lighter? These are the questions that have been plaguing me since my last post. My migraines are getting worse and more frequent. On saturday night the light sensitivity was so bad I was lying in a dark room, with a blanket over my head and still complaining to my husband that it was too bright. The brightness was clearly in my mind's eye, and it was real. And it hurt.

Sometimes I just hurt everywhere. Mostly though I just feel fragile. Usually I feel strong, but lately fragile is the word. I feel like I am always waiting for the shoe to drop, for the lights to arrive blinking and wavering and freaking me out! And then they do, and then I just feel sad.

So what does this have to do with blogging about body image. Well, when I feel good and healthy then my weight is not so much an issue. My body gets me where I want to go - it works. But, when I feel sick like this I blame myself. Maybe I am not eating enough fruit, or drinking enough water, or walking enough. Maybe my headaches are all my fault and doctors would take me more seriously if I was the 'right' weight for my height.

I am scheduled for two specialists. One in March (booked in September), and the other for May (booked in December). So I guess I am suppose to have 3 or 4 migraines a week until then. Sigh.

But no! I am going to go for acupuncture, and massage, and whatever else I can think of. At least that is what I need to do, but when locked up in this vice of feeling like I do, it affects my mood and then the vicious cycle repeats.

It has been hard taking this blogging challenge. Too much self reflection (no pun intended cause I haven't been doing the mirror thing), and I am looking forward to blogging about my class and my teaching.

So, dear women who have been blogging along with my daughter and the DWC, I have enjoyed reading your stories, and they have inspired me in many ways. We are all wonderful. We are struggling, but we are together in the struggle. We are in good company. I am in good company. It is good to not feel so alone. Even with blinding headaches, I know I am not alone.

1 comment:

  1. I'm in bed trading a hoped for improvement to a lingering flu which has me convulsing with coughs day and night, body aches, headaches and nausea. Asa result I got to catch up on your blogs. Well body image and reality? I'm not saying this to make you feel better but I have to tell you that for several weeks now (even before christmas)I have been constantly thinking to myself how good Mary-Anne looks. The haircut suits her perfectly, she doesn't have to wear glasses and she's dressing like a million bucks. I'm not just writing this to make you feel better but I have honestly been thinking this for quite some time now. Of course sometimes you are looking a bit tired especially with these migraines but I don't think I've ever seen you look so fantastic so consistently for so long. I realize that you might think I'm being disingenuous but I mean this for real. You look great!!!Thats my reality anyway.

    ReplyDelete

Add your thoughts....join the conversation.