OK

I have a good friend and when I see her and she asks me how I am if I say ok she says:

"Oh, you and your oks".

Sometimes my sister asks me how I am and I say OK, and she says:

"Liar"

They are both right.

Sometimes I say I am OK when I am clearly not OK.

But I say OK, because

a) I don't want to go into it

b) If I go into it I will start crying and I don't want to cry

c) Sometimes I can't find the words to go into it

d) Sometimes I am just ok, and that is better than not ok.


I have had a hard week. I have been subbing in a class with some children who have, to put it mildly, challenges.

I wasn't up to the challenge.

It made me mad. At them, at their parents, at the school, at myself.

It made me sad. For them, and for all the children that I think the education system and society has, and is, letting down.

I wanted to blame someone.

Anyone.

Everyone.

I blame myself.

For not doing a better job this week.

For not doing a better job for the thirteen years I taught at the school.

For not doing a better job for my own children.

So.

If you see me this week and ask me how I am doing.

If I say OK.

I am lying.

I am not OK.

I will be.

But not today.