Wednesday, March 9, 2011

what do you say?

My dear friend's son died on Monday. I found out last night. She called me this morning. I saw her number on my call display, and answered the phone already in tears. It was a real conversation. The kind she and I have been having for 33 years. She is a woman I can talk to, have deep conversations with, even when a year has passed between seeing each other. And her 25 year old son has died.

We were pregnant with our sons together. Mine born in September, hers a few months later. This was her third, my first. I confided in her one day "I don't know how to be a mother." It's ok, she assured me, your baby doesn't know that!

We have holidayed together, eaten meals together, cooked for each other, sat over many, many cups of coffee, or glasses of wine. We have laughed and laughed together. We have cried together. We cried together this morning.

But, really, what do you say? What can you say? She is a strong, empathic, powerful, intuitive woman. And, I am in awe of her strength and how completely her faith in the spiritual realm comforts her in this devastating moment of her life. Of her husband's, and her daughters' lives. Of all the countless people who knew, and loved her son. She will get through this, because she is destined to get through this. She knows, truly knows that all of it, all of this, is part of some much bigger plan. She knows.

All I know, is that I wish I could do something, say something, be something for her and her family right now.

I don't know what to say. But, I do know that I will go and see her, and we will have coffee, or tea, and we will sit and we will cry, and life will go on. Because it has to. Because all of it is happening for a reason, a reason that I cannot fathom.

I can't say anything. I can't do anything. I can just be. She can just be. We can all just be. And, life will go on. And, it will be different. It will never be the same. But, it will go on.


  1. Sorry to hear. That's young.

    Me too. I never know what to say, but I want to say or do SOMETHING, I really do.

    Maybe that's the best thing you can offer right now. Just the want to help, 'cause if she asks, she know you'll be there.


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