Over the past two years I have lost sixty pounds.
This is a slow weight loss.
I didn't lose weight because someone told me to, or because people were mean to me about my weight.
I did it for me.
I started to take care of myself, to make better food choices, and once my plantar fasciitis was healed I started to walk, and then started to swim.
I started to feel better
I used to think that if I lost weight
a) My feet wouldn't hurt after a long walk, or standing all day
b) I wouldn't have to stop to catch my breath when climbing hills
c) my carpal tunnel would go away
d) stairs would be easier
e) my back wouldn't be so problematic
f) I would fit into smaller sized clothes
g) I could stop taking anti-depressant medication
Only d and f are true.
I struggle with the comments people make:
a) You have lost a ton of weight!
b) Skinny Mini!
c) Did you stop eating sugar?
d) Are you ok?
e) You look sick.
f) Your gall bladder surgery might be related to your rapid weight loss.
g) You are disappearing!
h) I know you are anxious, and you can't eat, but you've lost weight! Way to go!
So for the record:
I have not lost a ton of weight. A ton is 2000 pounds. I have not lost 2000 pounds.
Yes, I do look sick in recent pictures. I see it too, but it is not because of my weight loss it is because I have been struggling with anxiety over the past few months. In fact I weigh only two pounds less than I did in December.
No I have not stopped eating sugar. Is sugar bad? (This is a rhetorical question.)
I am not disappearing.
I am 5 feet 5 1/2 inches tall and I weight 160 pounds.
Technically that means my BMI is still in the overweight category. (Not that I hold any credence in BMI numbers, but again, I am just sayin'!)
I try to smile, and say thank you if the comment seems complimentary, I sometimes get a bit snippy if the comment seems back-handed.
I would be lying if I didn't say that it is nice to shop in the regular stores instead of the plus size stores.
I would be lying if I didn't say that it is nice to walk across the pool deck, admiring the strength in my legs.
I would be lying if I didn't admit that I have more confidence in certain, clothing optional, situations.
But, really what I want to say is that people didn't make comments about my weight when I was heavier and I really appreciated that.
Our society looks at weight loss as something that should be congratulated, applauded, revered, sought after.
So I know that people feel they are doing a good thing when they comment on my appearance.
That is the influence of media, society, our culture.
It is stupid.
Being thinner is not the be all and end all of my existence. Of anyone's existence.
It is just where I am now.
I have been much thinner in my life.
I have been much heavier.
Here are the facts:
I weigh less than I did two years ago.
I did it on purpose.
I did it sensibly.
I eat what I want. (Including at least one chocolate chip cookie every day ;) )
I swim 2-3 miles a week.
I walk in the sunshine.
I go to a weekly yoga class.
Weight loss is not the panacea for everything that ails me, and I can accept that.
I try to be gracious when people comment on my weight loss, I really do. I know that often the comments come from a loving, or caring place.
Sometimes, all these comments make me cranky and anxious about social situations.
So, let's talk about gardening.
Let's not talk about weight.
Mine, or anyone's.