Saturday, June 13, 2015

Full Disclosure

I don't know what possessed me.

Maybe I was just tired of lying to people.

Anyways I went to my knit group last week. I hadn't been for a few weeks.

Where have you been? inquired a knitterly friend, discreetly.

I haven't been feeling well, I said.

What was wrong?

Now normally this is where I make up some vague statement about stomach problems.

But not this time.

This time I said:

I have been having anxiety attacks.

I haven't been able to eat.

She was kind, and empathetic and understanding.

She expressed surprise because she has always seen me as someone who is out-going, interested in many things, doing many things.

Ah, yes.

I have hidden it well.

But I am taking crazy back.

I am not hiding in the closet of mental illness anymore.

Because as Ash Beckham says - a closet is no place for a person to truly live.

7 comments:

  1. All power to you...
    Don't protect others at your expense.

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    Replies
    1. I keep having to re-learn this particular lesson! But I am getting there.

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  2. I never really talked much about my depression or anxiety much before either, especially at work. However, as I ended up taking quite a bit of time off as I was barely able to look after myself, let alone anyone else, I did end up talking about it. People are surprisingly understanding I found! I am glad you are 'coming out of the closet'!

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    Replies
    1. here's to both of us living authentic lives!

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  3. Talking definitely helps - at least in my experience it does. Well done you :)

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  4. When my 4 girls were little and yapping at me one day I walked into a closet, slowly closed the door (while they kept yapping), thought to myself "hey this is nice in here, so quiet and visually unstimulating" but it didn't take me long to realize it's no place to live. I had to get out of the closet and play, laugh, live. xo

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    Replies
    1. what a poignant story - I can just imagine you in there, with the little girls outside - but you are right - we have to get out and live and be authentic!

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