Yopping Update #9 - Progressing

Sometimes progress is made by going slower, or perhaps by stopping altogether.

By Wednesday this week I was in a full blown funk.  I have one dear friend who is undergoing chemo, another who is, as his wife told me, "Living for the end" and yet another who died early Wednesday far too young.  I was sitting in traffic, staring out the window thinking hard about life and what the point was to it all. 

There is some irony to how I was feeling on Wednesday afternoon, because the previous Sunday I had the most glorious day.  After a long nap my husband and I went down to the waterfront quay for lunch and afterwards we headed outside to listen to this wonderful singer/songwriter named Liam Sturgess. 

It was a perfect afternoon.  The sun was shining, there was a soft ocean breeze and as we sat holding hands I felt so peaceful and loved.  There were little ones dancing (two dressed like little princesses) and other ones trying out their first steps to the delight of all of us that had the fortune to be watching. 

Driving home I noticed all the cones on the fir trees and everything seemed so bright and possible.

An hour later I sat spinning some fibre while my husband made dinner.  It was peaceful until I realized that I could only see sparkly lines out of my left eye which means a migraine is fast approaching.  Fu#K! 

The melancholic in me then put off the beautiful afternoon to the euphoria I get prior to getting a migraine.  Still and all it had been a perfect afternoon. 

So barely three days later the clouds had descended and I was once again understanding why someone might take their own life.   Since the previous Saturday I had been noticing and triggered by people that cavalierly use phrases like - "I wanted to blow my brains out", or "slit your wrists already".  To be clear, dear readers, I was not wanting to take my own life but I could completely understand how another could come to that decision.

I had been thinking that we all should be more careful of our language and phrases like that should be  put away as not suitable in conversations anymore.  Like other phrases that many of us used to use in everyday conversation, and are no longer politically correct, I was reflecting that these phrases that refer to taking one's own life should stop. Even two days ago I was at the pool and noticed everyone at the pool was looking towards the 3 meter board where a young boy was standing at the edge deciding whether he had the courage to jump or not.  I gather he had been there some time and many in the pool had started to chant "jump. jump. jump."  It was very triggering for me and I silently thanked his bravery when he finally turned around and went down the ladder.  I then watched him walk to the one meter board, give a shrug, shake his head and dive into the pool.  "One day, young man, one day you will be brave enough to tackle the 3 meter board.  Today was just not that day."

On the heels of those triggers I came to realize that I was being triggered by social media and how many people post all their happy holiday moments, beautiful family moments, pictures of their lastest restaurant, or home-cooked, meal and I seemed to be endlessly scrolling through instagram and facebook comparing my life to theirs.   It also seemed that I was easily falling into the rabbit hole and spending too much time checking the feed.  So I decided to remove those two apps from my phone.  I also cleaned up my facebook feed and unfollowed many of the pages I had 'liked' because it seemed that my feed was full of their posts and I wasn't seeing anything from the close family and friends I do like to follow on facebook.  I still can check facebook on my laptop, and I am happy that my feed is now more personal and satisfying.  On the heels of that my husband and I watched a netflix documentary on Cambridge Analytica called The Great Hack and how that company used data they had mined from fb and other social media sites to convince the 'persuadables' to vote for Trump in the last election.  It was chilling and made me scrub some of my personal data from my facebook profile.  I already know not to answer personality and other quizzes via fb because they are just data mining apps.  (I don't need to know what dog I most look like, or which actor I most resemble.)

So since Wednesday I have been coming up out of my funk and I know that getting to the pool everyday for 30 minutes to exercise my arm is part of my healing.  I have even managed a few careful front crawl strokes.  I have just over 6 weeks until my birthday and on my birthday I like to swim my age in laps.  This year it will be 64 laps.  I will do it, not all front crawl, but I am determined to work towards that goal.  I will keep you posted. 

I also spent too much time this week trying to get my fitbit to sync with the app and it seems that since fitbit's last update it won't work.  I was getting soooooo frustrated and obsessed until I finally decided to put the fitbit away and delete the app.  I don't need the aggravation and I don't need a little device to tell me I am (or am not) walking enough in a day.  I am enough.  I am doing enough.  Enough.

This is supposed to be a Year of Projects update - but I am one of my projects so forgive the long personal update before getting to my crafting progress.

I did continue on the baby blanket - and I am loving it more the more I work on it.  I think it may be finished by next week.  No picture because besides being bigger it looks the same as last week.

There was some spinning.  I finished the second bobbin of the indigo dyed and then plied it.  I got about 130 meters.  Now I have to think of something to make with it. 

I started spinning another fibre.  I have 105 gms of this lovely gray.  It fluctuates between lighter and darker hues.  I split it into three hanks and put on my smallest whorl.  I have almost completed the first bobbin and I love it so far.  I had to replace the drive band for the first time ever as the one I needed for this smaller whorl had broken.  It only took me three tries to get the tension correct - yay me.

My felted lopi slipper photobombed the picture!

I am disciplining myself to only spin as long as I am enjoying the process and not to obsess about 'getting it done!'  I can get too fixated on finishing the fibre and that can take a toll on both my mental health and my hand.  So easy does it for me. 

I am re-reading Bruce Springsteen's autobiography "Born to Run".  I had read it when it first came out via my local library, but ever since I wanted a copy of my own.  I kept checking the free store on the little island, and my sister continued to do so for me.  No luck.  I had mentioned to a close friend how that book had impacted me, and lo and behold she texted me a couple of weeks ago that she was in a used book store near her cabin and there was the book! 

who knew there where so many books about Bruce

but this was the one I was after!

She bought it for me and I saw her on Monday for lunch and now it is in my hands!  That man can write! He also has struggled with depression and is very articulate in describing how it manifests for him and I can relate to his experiences.  I have been thinking about writing my own autobiography, if only for my children, and perhaps I will once I have finished the next round of edits on my novel.  So much to think about.


Two other shares from this week:   The first tomato from our patio tomato plants (with three more already to go). 

And my orchid is blooming once again - six blossoms this time.

So there is my week.  A little spinning, a little knitting, swimming everyday, visits with two dear friends, daily croatian study and forward progress with my mental health.   All in all it has been a productive week.

To follow other yoppers (and if you are a Ravelry member) check out their posts here.

PS:  My granddaughter is now able to say Ba Ba Ba.......soon she will be able to say Baka!  (that's me).