Thursday, January 1, 2015

Anxiety comes to stay

It is over. Our son left yesterday. Our daughter left today. There were tears. There are always tears when they go back to their lives.

It was a good visit. We ate well, swam, walked, went to yoga, played music, talked, played board games, napped, shopped.

We had the most lovely Christmas morning. The gifts we exchanged all seemed so perfect.

And then.

And then two days after Christmas my anxiety kicked into high gear and although I would rally from time to time it was always there in the background.

Today, most of which was spent in bed, I was thinking maybe it isn't anxiety. Maybe it is the flu.

Maybe I am not crazy.

Maybe I am just sick.

So that is how I am framing it now. My dear husband has gone out to get me some ginger ale, and tomato juice.

I am not going to let this feeling take away the last seven days.

I couldn't hug them enough, love them enough, spend time with them enough.

We went to bed before midnight so the new year arrived without our help.

Today is not the day for a big dinner, we celebrated our new year's dinner on the 30th (and also our daughter's birthday which is later this month).

Today is the day to nap, and sip ginger ale and maybe start a new knitting project.

Because although it doesn't feel like it right now, I know this feeling will pass. Anxiety is not a welcome guest, and I will do whatever I can to move it out.

And there will be at least 360 more days to revel in what 2015 has to bring.




  1. I have been there, worrying about what will be, holding my breath while it's happening, and then mourning that the moment is gone instead of ... well, instead. I wish you a speedy recovery from the flu and from the heaviness that comes after the holidays.

  2. Absolutely right... And new books to keep you company??
    NYE is always a disappointment if you expect too much ( well, if you're over about 26 I reckon it is).
    And you know what? SNAP! Me too. And with YOU as my inspiration, I started a new knitting project... Leg warmers for my 1980s loving teenage daughter... and let me tell you, Mary-Ann, it is 34 degrees Celsius down here !

    1. can't wait to see them....modelled of course, by your teenaged daughter!

  3. I've been hibernating after my Christmas Salt Spring getaway. Midwinter is the best time to plan warm weather travels. Fireplace, cocoa and maps. All the best for 2015 Mary-Anne

    1. You too, Susan. May 2015 be peaceful and adventurous!

  4. I am also battling with my depression again; I am still trying to fight off the constant tiredness, lethargy and feeling of numbness, coming home from work and being so exhausted from trying to put on a happy facade that I have gone to bed after dinner and slept, which upsets my daughter. However, it does help knowing that there are others out there who understand what it is like, and who are there for support. I hope that your ginger ale and tomato juice help to ease the 'flu symptoms. If not then just know that myself and others are here if you need us. x

  5. I feel you...

    Here's to a peaceful weekend.

  6. thank you all for your comments. Writing this post helped. Seeing your responses really helped. With support and friends like you, anxiety doesn't stand a chance at overstaying its visit.

  7. Often it is better to just "go with the flow" because trying to fight it drains further energy. Stop fighting and save that energy for healing. As you are doing by allowing your husband to nurture you.

    1. True. As the Borg say in Star Trek, Resistance is futile!


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