I hate making them.
Which is odd, because in all my jobs I have had to make decision every day. As a teacher, a lactation consultant, a computer programmer, a mother for heaven's sake, lots of daily decisions.
Every single day.
So what it is really is that I hate making decisions with other people - when what I want and what they want are in conflict.
Or in perceived conflict.
Mostly I think I would like others to make decisions for me, and then I would just go along.
But that isn't right either.
I need to get in touch with what I want.
And then say it. State it. Emphatically. Without beating around the bush, or trying to be subtle.
I have to stop saying "Whatever you want", "It doesn't matter to me", "You decide, and I will just go along".
Twenty years ago I discovered John Bradshaw's work on family systems. It was ground-breaking for me at the time.
Middle Child syndrome - big time.
Peace maker - big time.
It is time for me to grow up.
Note to self: Grow up. Yes, you are still the middle child, but it shouldn't be how you continue to live your life. State what you want, deal with it if others don't like it. They are grown ups too. They will deal with it. It is not up to you to spare all others their disappointments. It doesn't work that way. You know that.
You. Know. That.